My journey began in 6th or 7th grade, which was 17 years ago. I now have a handle on my anxiety, am able to pin point what I am feeling, and usually I am able to move through it with a handful of tools. Now, I will tell my story… I was a happy child; cheerful, polite, energetic and sweet. I rarely threw tantrums or got upset. Middle school came along and I started at a very academic private school. I was not very good at school. I tried my best but struggled a lot! I believe this is what kicked off my anxiety. The feeling of everyone succeeding around me and me, drowning in assignments and failing tests. I began to experience times when I had so many emotions bottled up inside of me and no way of letting them out that I felt was appropriate. I was ashamed that I couldn’t do well in school and felt angry at my self. On occasion I would burst… Almost always in my room, at night, sometimes with my mom in the room and many times with out anyone knowing. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and the walls were collapsing on my lungs. I couldn’t yell even though I wanted to because I had enough self control to not alarm anyone that I was suffering. (I probably should have yelled)I would rock my body and try to take deep breathes but that would just make it worse. I found that if I bit myself, hit myself, or made myself hurt in some way it would bring me out of that place and bring the emotions to tears that would stream across my face until I fell asleep. I felt exhausted, depleted and embarrassed afterwards. For a long time only a few people knew that I had these moments. I later learned that what I was having was a panic or anxiety attack. Throughout the years from age 12-22 this was a fairly frequent feeling. As I entered my twenties, things changed a bit. I began to notice my heart racing and a shortness of breath quite often. I went to the doctor thinking something was wrong with my heart but found out it was nothing more than a sinus arrhythmia….which is often caused by stress and anxiety. I lived with this feeling for about 10 years without doing much about it. About 3 years ago, I started to do something. I started learning about herbs and the power of them. I began seeing an acupuncturist as well as studying western herbs. I started finding tools that helped me live a less anxious life. (In later posts I will share all of what I learned) Last year, is when I learned the most about my anxiety, what was triggering it, and how to deal with it. It wasn’t easy but I learned a lot and will share it with you. To this day, I still struggle with anxiety on a day to day basis, but knowing how to deal with it allows me to live a better life!

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2 thoughts on “My journey began in 6th or 7th grade, which was 17 years ago. I now have a handle on my anxiety, am able to pin point what I am feeling, and usually I am able to move through it with a handful of tools. Now, I will tell my story… I was a happy child; cheerful, polite, energetic and sweet. I rarely threw tantrums or got upset. Middle school came along and I started at a very academic private school. I was not very good at school. I tried my best but struggled a lot! I believe this is what kicked off my anxiety. The feeling of everyone succeeding around me and me, drowning in assignments and failing tests. I began to experience times when I had so many emotions bottled up inside of me and no way of letting them out that I felt was appropriate. I was ashamed that I couldn’t do well in school and felt angry at my self. On occasion I would burst… Almost always in my room, at night, sometimes with my mom in the room and many times with out anyone knowing. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and the walls were collapsing on my lungs. I couldn’t yell even though I wanted to because I had enough self control to not alarm anyone that I was suffering. (I probably should have yelled)I would rock my body and try to take deep breathes but that would just make it worse. I found that if I bit myself, hit myself, or made myself hurt in some way it would bring me out of that place and bring the emotions to tears that would stream across my face until I fell asleep. I felt exhausted, depleted and embarrassed afterwards. For a long time only a few people knew that I had these moments. I later learned that what I was having was a panic or anxiety attack. Throughout the years from age 12-22 this was a fairly frequent feeling. As I entered my twenties, things changed a bit. I began to notice my heart racing and a shortness of breath quite often. I went to the doctor thinking something was wrong with my heart but found out it was nothing more than a sinus arrhythmia….which is often caused by stress and anxiety. I lived with this feeling for about 10 years without doing much about it. About 3 years ago, I started to do something. I started learning about herbs and the power of them. I began seeing an acupuncturist as well as studying western herbs. I started finding tools that helped me live a less anxious life. (In later posts I will share all of what I learned) Last year, is when I learned the most about my anxiety, what was triggering it, and how to deal with it. It wasn’t easy but I learned a lot and will share it with you. To this day, I still struggle with anxiety on a day to day basis, but knowing how to deal with it allows me to live a better life!”

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